Kindergarten Cop (1990) Starring Arnold
Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed, Linda Hunt, Richard Tyson,
Carroll Baker. Directed by Ivan Reitman. Screenplay by Murray Salem, Herschel
Weingrod, Timothy Harris. Produced by Ivan
Reitman, Brian Grazer Run time: 111 minutes. United States. Color. Action,
Comedy.
A thirty-year-old comedy starring Arnold Schwarzenegger
might not seem like a controversial film, but Kindergarten Cop has recently been
in the news because a recent planned screening was canceled. Originally scheduled to open the NW Film
Center’s Cinema Unbound, a summer-drive-in movie series in Portland, the film
was pulled after local author Lois Leveen criticized the movie on Twitter.
According to her, “What’s so funny about School-to-Prison
pipeline? Kindergarten Cop-Out: Tell @nwfilmcenter there’s nothing fun in cops
traumatizing kids. National reckoning on overpolicing is a weird time to revive
‘Kindergarten Cop.’ IRL, we are trying to end the school-to-prison pipeline.
There’s nothing entertaining about the presence of police in schools, which
feeds the ‘school-to-prison’ pipeline in which African American, Latinx and
other kids of color are criminalized rather than educated. Five- and
6-year-olds are handcuffed and hauled off to jail routinely in this country.
And this criminalizing of children increases dramatically when cops are
assigned to work in schools.”
She went further, stating “It’s true Kindergarten Cop is
only a movie. So are ‘
Birth of a Nation’ and ‘
Gone With the Wind,’ but we
recognize films like those are not ‘good family fun. They are relics of how pop
culture feeds racist assumptions... Because despite what the movie shows, in
reality, schools don’t transform cops. Cops transform schools, and in an extremely
detrimental way.”
Having just recently seen the film again, I have to wonder
how far up her own ass is Ms. Leveen’s head. The comparisons to Birth of a
Nation and Gone with the Wind are over-the-top clap trap. Those films have been
criticized, rightly so, for their depiction of Blacks during and after slavery.
Birth of a Nation glorified the origins of the Klu-Klux-Klan for God’s sake.
Invoking that film, in connection with criticizing this film, is a disservice to
her own cause.
I would almost have to think that Ms. Leveen has never seen
the film or hasn’t in 30 years and has somehow twisted the film’s story to fit
in with her modern take on the world. Yes, police overstepping their
boundaries, especially against children, is horrible. Yes, no one wants to see a
“school-to-prison pipeline”. And yes, Black Lives Matter. But none of that has
anything to do with Kindergarten Cop.
I’m not saying that Kindergarten Cop is high art and above
reproach, but Leveen’s criticism seems misguided at best.
The film opens with a cat-and-mouse chase through a mall.
LAPD detective John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is following Cullen Crisp (Richard
Tyson), an infamous drug dealer. Crisp
is on his way to meet Danny (Tom Kurlander), a junkie who wants to sell him information
about his estranged wife and child. Even
though Danny was told to come alone, he has brought with him Cindy (Alix
Koromzay), another junkie.
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| LAPD Detective John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) arrests Cullen Crisp (Richard Tyson). |
When Danny asks for money, Crisp tells him that he’ll take
good care of him. But after learning that his wife and child are living in
Astoria, Oregon, Crisp shoots and kills Danny. But Cindy is a witness to the
murder from behind a box. Crisp dumps
the gun in a trash bin and joins his mother, Eleanor Crisp (Carroll Baker), at
a beauty salon. Finding Cindy kneeling over Danny’s body, Kimble handcuffs her
to the body so she won’t run away. He then goes to the salon and arrests Crisp.
At headquarters, policewoman Phoebe O’Hara (Pamela Reed) interrogates
Cindy, but she wants nothing to do with helping the police. After Cindy’s
release, Kimble follows her to a drug den, chases everyone out, and promises to
harass her until she helps him. Cindy relents and correctly identifies Crisp as
the killer in a lineup and he is held over for trial without bail.
 |
| Crisp and Kimble talk when the former is in custody. |
At the Los Angeles County Jail, Crisp boasts to Kimble that
he will soon be free because a junkie’s testimony is worthless, but Kimble
suggests that Crisp’s wife, who reportedly fled with $3 million of his drug money, will be happy to testify against him.
Later, Captain Salazar (Richard Portnow), over Kimble’s
objections, sends him and Phoebe to Astoria to find Rachel Crisp and offer
immunity in return for her testimony. It has been arranged that Phoebe will go
undercover as a temporary kindergarten teacher at Astoria Elementary School,
where Crisp’s son is a pupil. Since their only photograph of Rachel Crisp does
not clearly show her face, they will have to uncover her new identity.
Once they land in Oregon, Phoebe gets stomach flu and is
unable to appear at school the next morning as a result. Kimble decides to take
her place and reports to the principal, Miss Schlowski (Linda Hunt), who was
expecting Phoebe, not a huge, muscular man. Miss Schlowski warns that if she
feels the children are in danger, she will alert the parents and they will take
their kids out of school. When asked, Kimble tries to reassure Miss Schlowski
that he has had teaching experience, but in reality the five-year-olds in his
class drive him crazy.
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| Day One: Kimble loses his temper and makes the children cry. |
His loud attempts to quiet them
make most of the children cry, so Kimble runs to his rented car and brings back
his pet ferret to calm them down. It becomes the class mascot. At the end of the school day, another
teacher’s, Joyce’s (Penelope Ann Miller), little boy, Dominic Palmarie (Joseph
Cousins and Christian Cousins), tells Kimble that he is the worst teacher ever,
even worse than his stick ball coach. When Kimble asks if there is anyone he’s
better than, Dominic informs him that he doesn’t know that many people.
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| Dominic Palmarie (Joseph Cousins or Christian Cousins), helps Kimble clean up after the first day. |
Exhausted, Kimble returns to his
motel room and collapses after having cleaned up the mess the students have
made.
The next day, young mothers linger
at the school after bringing their children. Some are interested in Kimble,
while others wonder what kind of man teaches kindergarten.
In class, Kimble pretends to play a
game with the children by asking them what their father does and where are they
now. The children give a variety of answers and Dominic says his father lives
in France. Meanwhile, a child named Zach Sullivan (Justin Page) is withdrawn and
resists saying anything despite Kimble’s attempts to draw him out.
After a fire alarm drill, Miss
Schlowski chides Kimble for taking longer to evacuate his class than the other
teachers.
That night, Phoebe feels better,
and is hungry. She and Kimble go to a restaurant, where they run into Joyce and
Dominic. Sensing romantic possibilities between Kimble and Joyce, Phoebe plays
wingman for him, posing as his sister and speaks in Kimble’s Austrian accent. Over
dinner, Kimble questions Joyce about other mothers, especially newcomers. Joyce
believes many people come to small towns like Astoria to run away from
something.
 |
| Phoebe (Pamela Reed) gives Kimble advice on how to handle the kids in his class. |
Later that night, when Kimble
complains to Phoebe that the children take advantage of him, she suggests that
he show no fear.
The following day, Kimble gets
“tough” and tells the kids he is the sheriff and they are “deputy trainees.” He
orders them to march, leads them in physical exercise, and plays games that
demand discipline. Thinking Zach is the boy he’s looking for, he places Zach in
charge of the ferret. Miss Schlowski is
impressed with the children’s improved behavior.
While the children take their
afternoon naps, Kimble dozes off and dreams that Colin Crisp shoots him through
the classroom window. He awakens as Joyce enters the room. She asks him over
for dinner the next night at her house and he accepts.
Kimble finally manages to confront
Mrs. Sullivan (Jayne Brook) the next day. She mistakenly believes he is asking
about bruises on Zach’s legs, and confesses that her husband is in counseling
and begs Kimble not to report him.
Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles,
Colin Crisp’s mother arranges for a dealer to sell Cindy a bag of pure heroin
that is certain to kill her.
 |
| Dominic shows Kimble his backyard hideout. |
The following evening, while Joyce
prepares dinner, Dominic shows Kimble his backyard hideout, where he has a
“laser” he hopes to place on a nearby antenna tower to protect him and his
mother from “bad people.” After dinner, Kimble asks Joyce why she and Dominic
move so often, and she admits her husband is not in France, but in Los Angeles.
After he tried to kidnap Dominic, she assumed a new identity and went into
hiding.
The following day, Phoebe
investigates Joyce’s finances and can find only a checking account with less
than $1000. Kimble is convinced Joyce is hiding $3 million somewhere, but
Phoebe thinks he suspects her because his growing feelings toward her frighten
him.
That morning, Zach arrives late to
class, and Kimble finds a large bruise on his back. He chases Mrs. Sullivan
back to her car, where Mr. Sullivan (John Hammil) is waiting. Kimble confronts
him, and when Sullivan takes a swing, Kimble knocks him down.
Miss Schlowski calls Kimble into
her office. He’s pretty sure that she’s going to fire him, but instead she approves
of him punching Sullivan, even asking him what it felt like to hit him. She
also, surprisingly, praises his teaching skills.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, Captain
Salazar identifies Cindy’s body at the morgue. Without Cindy’s testimony, he
will have to release Crisp from jail, so he tells his assistant to inform Kimble
and Phoebe that Crisp will soon be coming to Astoria. If Crisp’s wife wants
police protection, she will have to reveal the whereabouts of the $3 million
she supposedly has.
Eleanor Crisp picks up her son
outside the jail, telling him, “We’re gonna be a family again”, and they drive
to Astoria.
At the school fair, Phoebe and Kimble
confesses to Joyce that they are police and can offer her protection from
Colin, but she must turn over the stolen money. Joyce claims there is no money.
Her husband spread a lie about her having $3 million to give others an
incentive to locate her, enabling him to kidnap Dominic.
Fearing that she’ll flee, Kimble
goes to see Joyce, who is hysterical because Dominic is missing. He remembers
what Dominic had told him, and Kimble leads Joyce to the antenna tower, where
they find the boy stranded on a ladder while trying to plant his lasers.
After Kimble rescues Dominic, he
confesses that he lost his own son because his ex-wife wanted him out of her
life, but he does not want to lose her and Dominic. They kiss.
 |
| Unbeknownst to her, Miss Schlowski (Linda Hunt) takes Crisp to where his son is. |
The next day, in an effort to
provide assistance, Phoebe comes to Kimble’s class to discuss strangers.
Meanwhile, Colin visits Miss Schlowski’s office, posing as a father who wants
to enroll his son in kindergarten. She allows him to look in on a classroom,
and he recognizes his son. But when he sees Kimble, Crisp excuses himself and
hurries outside to tell his mother.
Later, Crisp sneaks back into the
school and sets fire in the library. The fire alarm prompts Kimble and Phoebe to
lead their classes into the smoky hallway. Dominic stuffs Kimble’s pet ferret
under his shirt, but when Kimble helps a girl who had been knocked down in the
hall, he loses track of Dominic.
In the confusion, Crisp grabs his
son and spirits the child into an empty classroom. He tells Dominic he is the
boy’s father, but Dominic does not recognize him. Kimble searches the hallways
for Dominic, while outside, Phoebe realizes that Dominic is missing and tries
to return to the building. Stopped by local firemen at the front door, Phoebe
hurries to a side door with her gun drawn.
Seeing her, Eleanor drives her car
into Phoebe, knocking her down and, with Phoebe incapacitated, grabs her gun.
Inside, Kimble finds Crisp in the boy’s locker room. But the drug dealer holds
a pistol to his son’s head and makes Kimble put down his gun. He plans to shoot
Kimble and Joyce, but the ferret, who never bites, suddenly goes after Crisp. Dominic
manages to escape, and Kimble picks up his gun and shoots Crisp. Though fatally
hit, Crisp fires off a last shot that wounds Kimble in the leg.
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| Eleanor Crisp (Carroll Baker) wants her grandchild back. |
Soon after, Eleanor Crisp arrives and shoots Kimble. She follows his blood trail into the shower and fires a
couple of shots near him to get him to tell her where her grandson is. When
Kimble won’t tell her, she’s about to shoot him when Phoebe knocks her out with
a baseball bat.
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| Kimble and Joyce (Penelope Ann Miller) are reunited upon his return from the hospital. |
After a few days in the hospital, Kimble
returns to school and Miss Schlowski offers him a permanent teaching job. The kids are overjoyed to see him.
Kimble and Joyce embrace and kiss to everyone’s delight.
Made on a budget of $26 million,
Kindergarten Cop made about $202 million when it was first released, making it
a hit by the standards of the day.
Thirty years later, the film holds
up pretty well. There are still a lot of laughs in the film and you do find
yourself worrying about Dominic, even if you have seen the film before, like
me. This is not to say that the film is perfect. There are a couple of holes
that have to exist for the film to work.
We’re told that Kimble has been
following Crisp for years, so it seems odd that he wouldn’t have more intel on
him, like who is wife is and what she looks like. There are such things as
marriage certificates and even without the internet, people still found out what
other people looked like. But if Kimble
knew what she looked like then the whole plot of the movie has to be thrown out
the window.
I’m also a little surprised that
Kimble and Phoebe, knowing Crisp was in town, would let Joyce and Dominic
return to school the next day. However, if that didn’t happen we wouldn’t have
the final shootout at the school. You would expect that they would put her and
Dominic in protective custody rather than use them as bait.
While the happy ending and the kiss between Joyce and Kimble promises a future for them together, did she not go visit him in the hospital? Wouldn't this big mushy kiss have happened there?
And there is Kimble’s pet
ferret, who is the one that causes Crisp to misfire his gun. A real important
plot point in the story and he’s apparently necessary to the film. However,
he’s not discovered until Kimble and Phoebe have already flown from Los Angeles
to Portland. I know comfort animals were a thing a few years ago but not 30.
I’m not sure how a live animal would have gone undetected for that long on a
plane.
So, while I think the writing has
issues, there are still some pretty funny lines, including this exchange
between Kimble and one of the students.
Detective John Kimble: I
have a headache.
Lowell: It might be a
tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's
not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!
That line is made funny by
Schwarzenegger’s delivery, making it sound like too-mah, as in “It’s not a
too-mah”, a line which was repeated in practically every story about the film’s
recent controversy. Schwarzenegger has shown that he is surprisingly adept at
playing comedy and his performance here is more nuanced than that in
Twins, his
breakthrough comedy hit.
The rest of the cast is good,
though it wouldn’t be hard to imagine others playing in the supporting roles,
including Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed, Linda Hunt, Richard Tyson, and Carroll
Baker. One of the film’s more memorable roles was that of Crisp as played by
Richard Tyson; he has evil written all over him from the start.
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| Richard Tyson's Crisp is evil throughout the film. |
So, let’s take a look at Leveen’s
complaints about the movie. School to jail pipeline: no children get arrested.
If anything, Kimble’s tactics are more in line with the scared straight
program. The children receive discipline in the form of rules and behaviors to
follow. Is he strict? Sort of, but there is no corporal punishment and in the
end the children seem to love him as they learn to work with him while he
learns to work with them.
African Americans, Latinx, and other
kids of color are criminalized rather than educated: That’s not present in this
film. This is mostly a white classroom but there are one or two black children
and at least one Latinx depicted. There is no sense that they are treated any
differently than the other children in the class and everyone seems to be depicted
accepting of everyone else.
Cops traumatizing kids: If someone
yelling at them was a new experience then perhaps, yes, the children might be
traumatized by Kimble. But there is no indication of that happening. He gets
their attention and they go from there. The real traumatization would come from
the school burning down, which is not played for comedic effect in the film.
And the one who sets the school on fire is the bad guy.
What about the shooting at the
school, wouldn’t that traumatize the children? Perhaps if they’d seen it. The
gunfight takes place while the children are outside because of the fire. They
don’t see it nor do they hear it over the other noises. The only child in the
room, and I’m not even sure he’s shown as being there, is Dominic. I believe he
escapes out of the boy’s locker room before the shooting takes place. The only
kids that might be traumatized are the two older students who are making out
during the fire and are surprised by Kimble, who does have his weapon drawn when
he bursts into the room they’re in.
And frankly, my dear, if
Kindergarten Cop was half the movie Gone with the Wind was, that would be
great. Instead, it is a fun film. Now it was and still is for that matter,
rated PG-13, which means it wasn’t made for small children. If parents were to
take them in to see it, any traumatizing would be on them.
The NW Film Center should be
ashamed of itself for capitulating to Leveen’s misplaced complaints. While John
Lewis was a great man and a worthy subject, and I’m not complaining about the
documentary, I don’t think it evokes the same fun time at the drive-in. Leveen’s
complaints are the type that ruined Saturday Mornings by complaining about the
cartoons not being educational. Now, drive-ins can’t be fun places to go, either, I guess.
Kindergarten Cop is light fare and
would be worth seeing, especially if you were wondering what the fuss was
about. You know a good place to see it? A drive-in.
