[OLD] Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden - It's Time to Slam Jam

Everybody get up, it's time time to slam now...

Warning: The review you are about to read is canon.

When you hear talk of video games in the media, the one genre that seems to come up the least is the RPG, despite it being perhaps one of the most influential. While previously it was very clear cut what made a game an RPG or not (think quests, item management, character levels and parties as primary components), more games in recent years have been incorporating RPG elements into their design to form a hybrid, the FPS/RPG hybrid being the one that immediately comes to mind. The latest Call of Duty games or games such as Borderlands and Fallout 3 are the most well-known of these hybrids and their influence will only continue to spread into the future. Of course, I am not here to talk about the latest advancements, but rather something else, those being a traditional RPG or JRPG (the differences between RPGs and JRPGs are pretty mundane, so I won’t really go into too much detail there). These games are known for their lore-heavy stories and immersive battle systems, Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts being two of the most iconic franchises in this genre. While they can be a little odd in the aforementioned lore that they build up, they can still be rationally explained quickly in such a way that entices whoever is listening into playing the game.

We've got a real jam goin' down... 

This is where Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden comes in. It has a premise so bizarre that not only would it take a little time to explain rationally, perhaps with a full paragraph of text, but it must also be explained in such a bizarre way that whoever is being told the premise must immediately want to play it in an attempt to try and believe you. I will do my best to explain it in the next paragraph. Actually, I’ll just let the developers explain with the description from the official website, just so I don’t misrepresent anything:

“The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the “B-Ballnacht”. Thousands upon thousands of the world’s greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the “Verboten Jam”…

Flash forward 12 years to the post-cyberpocalyptic ruins of Neo New York, 2053. A Chaos Dunk rocks the island of Manhattan, killing 15 million. When the finger is put on the aging Charles Barkley, he must evade the capture of the B-Ball Removal Department, led by former friend and baller Michael Jordan, and disappear into the dangerous underground of the post-cyberpocalypse to clear his name and find out the mysterious truth behind the Chaos Dunk. Joined by allies along the way, including his son Hoopz, Barkley must face the dangers of a life he thought he gave up a long time ago and discover the secrets behind the terrorist organization B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S.

A tale of zaubers, b-balls, and atonement; brave dangers unheard of, face spectacular challenges that even the greatest ballers could not overcome, and maybe… just maybe… redeem basketball once and for all in:

Tales of Game’s Studios Presents Chef Boyardee’s Barkley, Shut Up & Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa.”

Yes, that last bit is actually the full unabridged title of the game and the only thing the description leaves out is that the events of Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden take place within the same universe as Space Jam. Yes, they refer to the events of Space Jam, or The Space Jam as it is known in-universe, as so important that it serves as the source from which a lot of important explanations and plot details spring forth. The story is absolutely ridiculous in its premise, which includes teaming up with a cyborg Vince Carter, named Vinceborg 2050, or a Cyberdwarf with basketball leather for skin, as well as encounters with such beings as the Ghost Dad and the Diabeastie (incidentally, diabetes is more important to the plot than you think). What I have witnessed in this game sometimes goes beyond the realm of description with plenty of surprises and original ideas thrown about in such a way that I’m worried that anything I say will spoil the experience for someone. It’s all so silly and over-the-top and I just love it. The only other time I’ve really felt so giddy playing through a game like this was the Penny Arcade Adventures titles and I’m actually thrilled when I see so much creativity put into a game’s world (I suppose I’m a sucker for weird universes, because the sillier it sounds the more I feel like I have to seek it out).

Welcome to the Space Jam (Space Jam)...

But beneath all of the weirdness and surreal happenings, the story is actually pretty well-written (not that I expected it to be bad). There is good world building, as we are given a good glimpse into the lives of those who live in post-cyberpocalypse Neo New York and beyond, both the good and the bad. In the wake of the Chaos Dunk, many lives were lost, but communities were also formed and very shady people came out of the woodwork, including a surgical doctor who insists on eye-gouging prices for a change which is ultimately nothing more than cosmetic.

Above all though, I like how the characters were written and worked into the story. Charles Barkley is a man filled with regret for performing that first Chaos Dunk, a man who wants nothing more than to have a good future for his son, Hoopz. He wishes for a world where b-ball no longer needs to be feared or outlawed. As more characters are introduced, we are able to learn enough about them so that they feel fully fleshed out, even if they are only minor characters (though of course some NPCs are pretty flat for the sake of humor). These characters have hopes and dreams, strengths and weaknesses, desires and needs. Their collective journey had moments that made me happy, sad, triumphant and surprised. There is a feeling that these characters are people and not one-dimensional. Perhaps most interestingly, the characters have discussions not only about their own lives and what might have been different, but b-ball is made into a platform for surprisingly serious, though still silly, philosophical conversations about unity and division between people of different backgrounds. I give props to Tales of Game’s for being able to have serious and poignant moments in a world built off of comedic premises.

The game’s combat is also surprisingly well thought out. Combat is done in a turn-based style, complete with a speed stat having an invisible influence on when a turn occurs. Each of the main protagonists has access to a variety of options, all of which are easily accessible. On any of their respective turns, you can choose to try and run away, use an item, try a regular attack or activate a special move; typical RPG stuff. However, it is here that the game gets a bit creative in its moves. Regular attacks aren’t just a matter of selecting which enemy will be on the receiving end, but rather, in the same vein as Paper Mario (so I’ve heard), will require player input, sometimes as a small mini-game or button mashing sequence, to determine the amount of damage dealt. Special attacks trigger animations which cause damage or trigger different status effects and cost varying amounts of BP to activate. Each character also has their own unique combat style: Barkley uses b-ball-based attacks, with BP moves being “Verboten Jams”, Balthios uses zaubers for both regular and special attacks (just go with it), Cyberdwarf is a healer who relies on hand-to-hand combat and Hoopz is a “Gun’sbraster” who uses “gun’s” (the spellings are intentional). Their attacks are all very well-balanced and responsive and it is easy to develop a strategy and change it on the fly to suit the ever-changing situations. Overall, the combat is very fun and I enjoyed being able to kill Slam Spectres, Slam Phantoms, Ball Spiders and other such oddities as I made my way through the game.

Here's your chance, do your dance at the Space Jam...

With that said, the bosses, some of whom are b-ballers themselves, can be very difficult if you don’t know how to use each character’s moveset properly. Learning how to come on top in the mini-games is the key and experimentation is encouraged. You also need to learn how to effectively combine different tactics if you want to weaken the enemy or counter status effects like Montezuma’s Revenge, Diabetes or Glaucoma through magic or with the invaluable healing items (Tobacco can cure any status effect, though Insulin will also be very helpful at one point in the game). If you can properly manage your attacks and healing items (the two most powerful, and expensive, being Chicken Fry and Chicken Dew), you’ll be one step ahead of the bosses no matter what they throw at you. Though fair warning, the Ghost Dad will give you hell no matter how good you are at that point in the game.

Alright (alright)...

It would be hard to discuss the graphics, considering that so much of it relies on stolen assets from other games, but nevertheless I think the mismatched style works in its favor. The game is undeniably a parody of 16-bit JRPGs and manages to capture that feeling perfectly. While perhaps a little off-putting at first, the fact that most everyone has a different sprite between text boxes, the game world and combat is a great source of hilarity. The radically different aesthetics manage to go together perfectly well to capture the world and create a patchwork that is all its own and deeply memorable. The sound effects are also fitting, though I’m sure a lot of these were stolen as well. In any case, be prepared to hear the sound of a b-ball a lot when scrolling the menus. Voice acting is very scant, but the Charles Barkley impressions at the beginning of the game do add a certain charm to the whole affair. I also liked the music, particularly the remix of the Space Jam theme during the title screen, a choice that perfectly captures the essence of the game. Of particular note as well would be the original score that is written well enough as to never get tiring and a particular boss theme, which happens to be the song Eternity ripped straight out of Blue Dragon (complete with the vocals from Deep Purple’s lead singer).

Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is perhaps one of the funniest games I have ever played. It shows a boundless level of creativity, incredible emotional range and sharp, smart humor that never ceases to end (even the darkest moments can have a kernel of funny without disrupting or derailing the scene). There is just so much care put into the finished product and it hits so many high notes that I’m not entirely sure this review will do it enough justice. The only way to do this game any real justice is to actually play it and I encourage everyone to try it out as it is easily accessible to fans of every sort. You can download the game for free at Tales of Game’s Studios’ website here: http://www.talesofgames.com/related_game/barkley-shut-up-jam-gaiden/

Now I can’t wait to play the next game in the series, known as (get ready): The Magical Realms of Tír na nÓg: Escape from Necron 7 – Revenge of Cuchulainn: The Official Game of the Movie – Chapter 2 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa.

[OLD] Barkley: Shut Up and Jam! - Time For Some Pain

I’ve never really played that many sports games, but I have gone through phases of interest in certain sports and there are certain events that I will watch without question, mainly the Super Bowl, and I do root for/against certain teams regularly. When I first “discovered” sports as a kid, there was a time when I cared about Basketball and rooted for the LA Lakers (on a field trip, I’ve also seen most of an LA Sparks game). As time has gone on, I’ve become more aware of Basketball players attempting to have a movie career, mostly limited to Shaquille O’Neal, but the one player I remember seeing in a movie in any great detail was Michael Jordan in Space Jam. While Jordan was the main star in that movie, it also starred other well-known players as supporting characters, including Larry Bird, Wayne Knight and Charles Barkley; that last name is our main discussion point for this review. Barkley hasn’t been in the most glamorous light in recent years, what with the gambling addiction and all, but clearly he had enough star power to get his very own video game by Accolade on the SNES and Sega Genesis known as Barkley: Shut Up and Jam! Having found out about this game, I decided to buy it to not only see if it was any good, but also expand my Genesis library with a sports title. I bought it for only $2, so I wasn’t expecting too much, but I wasn’t expecting as little as I actually got when I finally played it.

Seeing how this is a sports game, there isn’t really a plot, but the idea behind it is that you can play as Charles Barkley and 15 other (fictional) players in 2-on-2 games in the downtown b-ball courts of different NBA cities. I’ve read that this is similar to the pretty well-known NBA Jam, but having never played that title, I won’t be able to make comparisons, so I’ll instead be talking about how it handles this idea on its own. In this case, I feel that it gets some things right, but could definitely have been improved in some areas.

To begin, I’d like to talk about the rather dismal menu selections. There are only four choices: New Game, New Series, New Tournament and Load Game, where you enter a short password to continue where you left off in a series or tournament. There are also a few options lower on the screen for each gameplay type, but they are very bare-bones. You can play with up to two players (as opposed to four on the SNES version) and mute the music (more on that later), but then with a Single Game, you can make quarters last one, three or five minutes and choose to play with the timers or until some reaches 21 or 50 points. For a Series, you can make it be the best out of five or seven games. If you are playing with two people, you can also decide if it will be competitive or cooperative play. I’ve just listed off every single option in the game, and it only takes about 30 minutes to an hour to explore every single combination. I am looking at the main menu as I type this and can confirm that it’s like going to Universal: Once you’ve done everything you want, which won’t take long, there’s not much else to do. I understand that this game was released in 1994 and there were certain limitations as to what home consoles could do at the time, but I’m also aware that other games released at the same time offered much more. While I was never expecting the game to have the sort of wealth of options that most sports games do now, I’ll admit that I at least expected more.

Pictured: The main menu screen.

Well, you can pick the players you use and the court that you play on, but strangely, starting a Tournament seems to change the rules. Not only can you not select Phoenix, as it contains Charles Barkley (this was back when he played for the Phoenix Suns), but when you pick players, you are actually picking which city to represent. That last part makes sense, but to those like me who are unfamiliar with which player comes from which city, it’s a total crapshoot. Also, when you make a selection in general, there’s no way to back out of your choice and pick something else, so if you pick something by accident, you have to live with it until the mode ends or you lose (whichever comes first). You could also just restart the console, but then you have the additional effort of trying to undo your mistake the long way.

You could pick other people, but why wouldn't you want to be Barkley?

At this point, I’d next like to talk about the gameplay, which should at least be good. Surprisingly enough, this is the game’s strong point. The players are easy to control once you get the hang of it and the short game time forces players to think on their feet when out-maneuvering the other team to get to the basket. The mechanics at play are simple, but effective, with the ability to steal the ball or block a shot being your primary means of defense. You can also get close to the basket for an easy two-pointer or take riskier shots from further away in an attempt to maybe get a three-pointer. I know that what I’m saying sounds like obvious basketball strategy, but since that’s nearly all there is, I’m actually appreciative of the minimalist mechanics. There is an additional mechanic where you can activate a set amount of charges, which can be replenished, that allow the current player a temporary boost in skill, possibly allowing you to quickly gain the upper hand on your opponent. Also, there’s no play clock to pressure you. It’s actually pretty fun overall, but there are some things which hold it back a bit.

For one thing, your partner is completely controlled by the AI, so if they get the ball, you have absolutely no control over what they do. You can ask them to pass the ball to you, but if they choose to try and aim for the net, you’re helpless to control the outcome and can be screwed if the other team blocks the shot. This can be overcome with a little planning in advance, but then there is one little oddity that stands out, which is the penalties, or lack thereof. I’m not complaining about there being no penalties in street basketball, since that’s how it would play out in real life, but I am complaining about how the game insists on looking for a goal-tending violation (due to the font chosen to display this, it looks a little like coal-tending violation at first glance). Not only does it stand out for being the only penalty, but the detection for this can also get pretty ridiculous. I once had a game where there were three such violations in rapid succession, even if the ball had already hit the rim. Also, when controlling your player, you can only accomplish some of the more mundane actions, but when the AI has the ball, they can do things like spin in the air while dunking the ball or, if they are the opponent, even pass the ball forward into the air to their partner who then dunks it perfectly from mid-air. I was completely baffled after this as to why I can’t do these things, but the computer totally can. As a final twist, if the opponent has the ball in the final second(s) before the end of a half, they will throw a Hail Mary to the net and almost always make it in. What I’m really saying is, the computer is unfair and can accomplish things you can’t even dream of doing in a sports game on the Genesis.

Moving on, the graphics of Shut Up and Jam are just all right. I have no idea if there was anything groundbreaking here or if even back then it was considered lower quality, but they are sort of what I expected from it being on Genesis and what it does render it does pretty well. The sprites for each player are visually distinct from each other, although it is still possible to lose track of where you are sometimes, especially if you pick two characters who are visually similar to each other, like “Sir Charles” Barkley and “Smoothy”. Each of the courts are distinct and also capture the backstreet feel very well, creating great immersion, although I did find it odd that one of the courts resembled an official NBA court. It’s a little out of place, but after a while I was able to just dismiss it as an option for people who still want to play indoors. Thankfully, no matter where you play, it is very easy to keep track of the ball as it is the only orange object in the entire game.

What a game of backstreet b-ball looks like (Barkley is the one in purple).

Lastly, I want to talk about the sound design. The effects are all right; they sound good and don’t get grating, but everything else is a mess. One place it falls apart is the music. At first, it’s all right and you can get used to it. However, the game only has a couple of tracks and when you begin any game mode you’ll hear the same 20 to 30-second loop over and over again. It gets grating after a while, and I actually got a headache from how repetitive it was, so it might be a good idea to mute the game and put on your own soundtrack. The other point of contention is the voice clips by Charles Barkley. A commercial touts the ability to hear Barkley’s digitized voice, but the clips are hard to make out. It took me about ten times loading the game to finally figure out that when the Sega logo pops up, the clip is saying “Time for some pain.” Similarly, I almost couldn’t understand it when he says “Get the ball” or something to that effect when the ball is on the ground during a game. Maybe there were limitations to what Accolade could do, but I’d have thought that they’d put more care into transferring the former NBA MVP’s voice into a video game.

I’m not sure there’s much else to say about Barkley: Shut Up and Jam. The gameplay options are a little lacking and the sound, while charming at first, gets annoying with extended play. Beneath the game’s flaws however, there is a game that is actually fun to play, but only in very small doses. Collectors or those looking for something fun to play on their Genesis should consider picking it up as a bargain purchase and have something retro to play with friends. You might find yourself ready to change the game after an hour or so, but that time won’t really be that bad. Just be sure to have your own personal soundtrack handy (and remember that this game is canon).