Stubs - Caveman

Caveman (1981) starring Ringo Starr, Barbara Bach, Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long, John Matuszak. Directed by Carl Gottlieb. Screenplay by Rudy De Luca, Carl Gottlieb. Produced by Lawrence Turman, David Foster. Run time: 91 minutes. Color.  Mexico, US. Comedy, Adventure

To quote the late character actor Edmund Gwenn, who on is deathbed supposedly said, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” That might have been a clue for Lawrence Turman, one of the producers of Caveman. Around 1978, Turman saw comedian Buddy Hackett in a caveman loincloth in a sketch on the ''Tonight Show'' and thought: ''Wouldn't it be a great idea to do a prehistoric comedy?''. He said: ''As a kid, I loved the film 'One Million Years B.C.' [1966] and the thought of doing a picture like that, using the same wardrobe and the same language, but played for laughs, seemed like a great idea.''

In 1979, United Artists Corp. (UA) contracted producers Lawrence Turman and David Foster’s Turman-Foster Company to begin development on Caveman with a $4-5 million budget; the final budget would rise to $6.5 million. Rudy De Luca and Carl Gottlieb were hired to right the screenplay. Gottlieb was coming off a string of successes, including Jaws (1975), Jaws 2 (1978), Which Way Is Up? (1977) and The Jerk (1979). Producers believed Gottlieb had a keen understanding of audience preferences and hired him to make his feature film directorial debut with the picture.

When Ringo Starr, formerly of The Beatles, was hired as the lead, Barbara Bach, the female lead, is on record as saying that she was originally disappointed that the lead part had gone to him instead of "a top comedian like Dudley Moore.”

Filming began on February 18, 1980 on location in Mexico. Filming was mostly done in the Sierra de Órganos National Park in the town of Sombrerete in the state of Zacatecas, Mexico. The river and fishing lake scene was shot in the Mexican state of Durango, and some scenes were filmed at the Churubusco Studios in Mexico City. Completed in late April, the film wouldn’t be released until April 17, 1981.

While scrounging for food, Atouk (Ringo Starr) almost becomes a plant's dinner.

The film opens “One Zillion BC,” on October 9, in honor of Ringo’s bandmate, John Lennon, who had been assassinated the previous December. Atouk (Ringo Starr), a hunched-over caveman, searches for food, or "Ool" as it is called, with other hunched cavemen of “The Hostile Tribe,” but his efforts are thwarted by stronger men.

When a dinosaur or "Macha" attacks, fellow tribesman Lar (Dennis Quaid) jumps on its tail but is quickly thrown off. The dinosaur eats another caveman and then leaves.

As the tribesmen head home, Atouk stays behind to help the wounded Lar and teaches him to hop on his good leg, but tribe leader Tonda (John Matuszak) knocks Lar down and they leave him behind because he’s wounded or “Pooka.”

When Macha attack, even Tonda (John Matuszak) seeks higher ground.

At their cave, the men, led by Ock (Avery Schreiber), regale the cavewomen with a pantomime of the monster’s attack as Atouk eyes Tonda’s woman, Lana (Barbara Bach). Atouk is in love, or "Aloonda" with Lana and gives her a round piece of fruit to show his affection, but she gives it to Tonda, who does not share it with her.

The next day, the men examine a bush with unusual red berries and Tonda demands that Atouk taste them first. Atouk eats the berries and passes out but before he does, he grabs a few berries. Later, at the cave, Atouk hides the red berries in a hollowed-out piece of fruit and gives it to Lana. She again gives the fruit to Tonda, who unexpectedly shares it with her, and they soon both become unconscious.

While everyone is asleep, Atouk sneaks to Lana’s side and tries to have sex with her or "Zug Zug", but he realizes that she also ate the berries, but he still curls up next to her.

Atouk gets on the wrong side of Tonda.

The next morning, Tonda awakens to find Atouk lying between him and Lana and kicks Atouk out of the tribe. As Atouk wanders, he sees Lar hopping. Atouk hops over to meet him and they crash into each other with enough force to “crack” their backs and stand up straight.

Tala (Shelley Long) and her blind father, Gog (Jack Gilford).

Later, at a tar pit, the friends meet Tala (Shelley Long) and her blind father, Gog (Jack Gilford). When Gog falls into the tar, Atouk and Lar rescue him, then straighten the backs of their new friends. A dinosaur chases them to rocks where Atouk pulls a tree from the ground and spears the dinosaur. Tala wants to Zug Zug with Atouk, but he only has eyes for Lana.

Tala wants to zug zug with Atouk, but he only has eyes for Lana.

Atouk and Lar return to the hostile tribe’s cave and introduce Tala and Gog to the women. Tala watches jealously as Lana flirts with Atouk until the other cavemen return. They hide, and even though Lana informs Tonda of their presence, he cannot find them.

That night, Atouk tries to kidnap Lana, but she refuses to go and stays with Tonda.

The next morning, Atouk’s group meets others who want to join forces and “The Misfit Tribe” is formed.

When a dinosaur attacks, Atouk throws a melon onto its horn, making the creature so cross-eyed it leaves.

The tribe takes refuge in a tree trunk during a sudden rainstorm, but the tree is struck by lightning and a branch catches fire aka “Haraka.” As Atouk picks up a blazing stick, they are joined by newcomers, Nook (Evan C. Kim) and his friends.

Nook knows the English words for the others’ cavemen language and they try to learn each other’s language, but end up fighting over a bird. As Atouk tries to split the bird to share it, like he had seen Tonda do with food before, they accidentally pull it over the flame. Soon, everyone is enjoying roasted bird. After dinner, the tribespeople realize bones and gourds make sounds and music is born.

Tonada and his men steal the giant egg from the Misfits tribe.

The next morning, another dinosaur attacks and Atouk becomes the hero again after burning the dinosaur’s foot. Later, the men find an enormous egg and start back to camp but Tonda and his men arrive and steal the egg. As Tonda’s tribe struggles to carry it uphill, a giant bird chases them to get her egg back. They drop the egg over a cliff and it falls into a hot spring and cooks. As the bird chases Tonda’s men, Atouk’s tribe eats the boiled egg and brings some back to the camp.

Tonda’s men attack the camp, but Atouk scares them off by standing up straight and threatening them with fire. Tonda’s group, however, steals several torches and when they reach their cave, they straighten everyone’s backs.

When Atouk’s fire goes out, his tribe follows Tonda to retrieve the flame, but are attacked by another dinosaur. Atouk sees a bush with the red berries, and shoves it into the dinosaur’s mouth, causing him to fall down unconscious.

Richard Moll as the Abominable Snowman.

Later, Atouk and his people sneak into Tonda’s empty cave and steal the fire. As they leave, Atouk sees Tonda’s group fishing. Preoccupied retrieving a fish, Tonda does not notice when Lana is swept downstream. Atouk and Lar pull her onto a rock, but Lar is knocked into the river and swept over a waterfall. Lar surfaces in the frozen land of “a nearby ice age” where an Abominable Snowman (Richard Moll) chases him.

Atouk brings Lana (Barbara Bach) back to the Misfit Tribe.

Meanwhile, Atouk brings Lana to his encampment and Tala watches jealously as Lana openly flirts with Atouk. Reluctantly, Atouk leaves Lana to lead the search for Lar. The men reach the frozen land and find Lar iced up in a snow cave with the Abominable Snowman frozen behind him. As their torches melt the ice, Lar is freed, but so is the Snowman. The creature gives chase, but they escape.

Meanwhile, Tala returns to Tonda’s cave. With Lana gone, Tonda is auditioning the other cavewomen to replace her. Before Tala can tell him about Lana, Tonda picks her as his new mate. But when she informs Tonda that Lana is at the “Misfit” camp, his men not only retrieve Lana but kidnap Tala and the other “Misfit” cavewomen.

Atouk rides a horned dinosaur into battle.

When the “Misfit” cavemen return, Gog tells them what happened. Atouk invents a sling-shot and the others prepare weapons. They use melons to lure the horned dinosaur, then they attack Tonda’s camp and rescue the women. Atouk rides the horned dinosaur into camp, but Tonda pulls him off the creature and beats him. As Lana also kicks Atouk, Tala slugs her. Atouk faces off with Tonda and wins the ensuing fight.

Atouk about to give Lana what she deserves.

Lana flirts with Atouk, to Tala’s dismay. Atouk picks up Lana but instead of carrying her into the cave, he tosses her into a pile of dinosaur excrement and chooses Tala as his mate.

The film made back its money, but I wouldn’t consider it to have been a blockbuster, earning $16 million during the release.

Reviews weren’t great either. Roger Ebert gave the film 1.5 stars out of a possible 4 and neither Gene Siskel or Ebert recommended it on their popular TV show, instead giving it a "don't see it" review. The film was compared, unfavorably, to Buster Keaton’s Three Ages by Gary Arnold of The Washington Post; which just seems unfair no matter how you slice it.

Despite what seemed like a great idea to the producer, Caveman isn’t really very funny. It relies on some very low humor, including fart jokes and the use of dinosaur caca as a punchline. There is some humor and I did laugh out loud when to show the passing days, a dinosaur figure howled at the moon like a wolf and then cackled at the sun like a rooster. And when Nook starts using English words instead of the caveman grunts is also very funny. But the humor is spare for something that considers itself a comedy.

To create the Macha, the film utilizes Ray Harryhausen's Dynamation, a form of stop motion model animation. Not sure if it was meant as a tribute, since Harryhausen was still active in the early 1980s, his last film was Clash of the Titans (1981), but here the creatures are sometimes played for laughs and sadly, like most dynamation, it doesn't necessarily age-well.

Ringo Starr is not enough to recommend the film. Starr, whose acting chops were recognized after his extended solo sequence in A Hard Day’s Night (1964), is not really adept at pre-historic comedy. Or maybe, his was an early example of stunt casting gone awry. The best thing for him is that he met his wife, Barbara Bach, on the set.

Barbara Bach as Lana.

Barbara Bach, a former James Bond girl, is not really given much to do except to flirt and look comely, wearing a fur bikini. Hers is not really a likeable character as she blows hot and cold depending which dominant male is about. While she might get what she deserves at the end of the film, it’s not really a funny coda which is in step with the rest of the film.

Dennis Quaid as Lar.

Dennis Quaid is also underused, though I don’t think of him as a comedic actor. There really isn’t much for him to do except play victim as his character Lar goes from one mishap to another.

Shelley Long, who was just one year away from her breakout role as Diane Chambers on the long-running Cheers, may be a bright spot in the film.

There are a number of other cast members, including former professional football player John Matuszak and former Cracker Jack pitchman, Jack Gilford. Their inclusion in the cast doesn’t help or hurt the film, but I don’t know who could have helped it be better than it was.

I’d like to say better things about Caveman but repeated viewings, this was at least my second, don’t make it any better.