Stubs - Red One

Red One (2024) starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Liu, J. K. Simmons. Directed by Jake Kasdan. Screenplay by Chris Morgan. Produced by Hiram Garcia, Dwayne Johnson, Dany Garcia, Chris Morgan, Jake Kasdan, Melvin Mar. Run time: 123 minutes. Color. USA Christmas, Action, Mystery, Comedy, Adventure

Have you ever watched a movie and wondered who the intended target audience was? That was my reaction while watching Red One, an attempt at making Dwayne Johnson into a holiday tradition, when I watched it recently on Amazon Prime. Good thing it was free to watch.

While the premise has promise, someone kidnaps Santa Claus, the film doesn’t really know what to do with it after that. There is a lot of running around, but the action starts and finishes in what appears to be the metropolis of the North Pole.

The film tries hard to play against stereotypes. To begin with, J.K. Simmons presents a very trim and fit Santa Claus. Oh, he likes cookies, but Santa is supposed to. His fitness is shown because he has a lot of physical activity on Christmas Eve, as he visits every house in the world. However, they show that it’s not just fitness that gets him in and out of the houses quickly, but also magic and shape-shifting. The whole idea behind Santa’s flight around the world is magical, but it’s another thing when you see how the sausage is made; it loses some of its luster.

His kidnapping comes even though he has a stalwart head of North Pole security, Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson). Callum seems to live in Santa’s back pocket, but for some reason is not with him when the kidnapping occurs. To find Santa, they bring in Jack O'Malley (Chris Evans) because he’s supposed to be a great tracker. Jack is shown not to believe in Santa as a child. He’s grown up to be an absent father and basically a ne’er-do-well. He also, inadvertently, helps the kidnappers find Santa’s secret location.

It all still has potential, but Red One is not satisfied with the Santa mythology as we know it. They bring in a Christmas Witch Gryla (Kiernan Shipka), that you’ve probably never heard of unless you’re from Iceland, and Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), a somewhat better-known myth from Central and Eastern Alpine folkloric tradition. A horned-anthropomorphic figure, we’re told that Krampus is also Santa’s brother. There is no family resemblance.

Gryla's army of snowmen.

Gryla, who can hear her name being said anywhere in the world, also has at her control an Army of, yes, snowmen who can only be killed if their carrot nose is detached. There are also other magical creatures, including Agent Garcia (Reinaldo Faberlle), an anthropomorphic polar bear who works with Callum as a member of ELF (Enforcement Logistics and Fortification).

Add on top of that we’re introduced to M.O.R.A. (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority), led by Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu). M.O.R.A. is a clandestine, multilateral military organization that oversees and protects a secret peace treaty between mythological creatures and humanity. And you won’t be surprised to learn the U.S. military is involved as well, because why wouldn’t they be?

If it sounds like too many layers, you’d be right. The film seems to lose itself after a while and it can’t decide if it’s trying to be a comedy or a mystery, an adventure, or a suspense, but it never comes together. To be honest I don’t know of any part of the film, a scene or sequence, that I thought was going in the right direction.

There are many problems with the film, one of them being the villain’s motivation. It doesn’t really make a lot of sense to me. What’s the point in punishing bad people if everyone is considered bad? What’s in it for them? Self-satisfaction?

A film like this has a lot of special effects and those are as good as can be expected. It’s a shame they couldn’t have been put to better use. All the VFX in the world couldn’t infuse this film with any sense of holiday magic.

I’ve never really been a big fan of Dwayne Johnson. I would never go see a movie he’s in just because he’s in it. Red One doesn’t change that opinion. I’ve read he got paid $50 million for his performance and because he ran late to the shoots, as much as 7 to 8 hours, he cost the film another $50 million. His performance here isn’t worth near that much money.

Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans in Red One.

Chris Evans had a bigger role than the film needed. After a while, the great tracker isn’t really tracking anymore and just seems to be along for the ride. We get a lot of backstory for him and even his son, Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), gets into the film. But, once again, love seems to conquer all and saves them from what looked like an eternity of hurt.

J.K. Simmons is Santa Claus in Red One.

I’m a fan of J.K. Simmons, from his years on Law and Order and for his memorable performances in the Sam Rami Spider-Man films. And I’ll admit to a bit of jealousy for how fit he is, but he doesn’t really convince me he’s Santa Claus. Perhaps it’s because he’s going too much against type.

This is not a great role for Lucy Liu, as the head of M.O.R.A. She’s a better actress than the role provides for her. Bonnie Hunt is little more than a glorified extra here. She must have less than five minutes of screen time as Mrs. Claus.

In keeping with the concept of nice and naughty lists, Red One would go on the latter. It’s an interesting concept, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.